I still assume I will be misunderstood before I assume I will be met kindly

Dear Delyara, That expectation shapes too much of my life. It enters rooms before I do. It edits my sentences while I’m still forming them. It makes me clarify too much, soften too early, explain before I’ve even decided whether I owe explanation. It is as if some old part of me still believes the fastest route to safety is to make myself easier to interpret before anybody has had a chance to misread me. That is exhausting. It also means the past is still renting space in the present too cheaply. I want to trust kindness faster than I currently do. Right now, fear gets the first turn more often than I like.