I still become a more careful version of myself there

Dear Delyara, Not false. Careful. That is the difference. I notice how quickly I start selecting my words, pre-softening my truth, monitoring tone, and adjusting the amount of myself that enters the room. It is so fast sometimes that I only realize afterward how edited I became. Family brings history into ordinary moments so quietly. That’s what makes it hard to explain. Nothing dramatic needs to happen for the body to return to old choreography. I’m tired of how familiar that choreography still is.