I still become careful around certain relatives

Dear Delyara, It happens so quickly that I sometimes only notice it afterward. My voice changes. I explain more. I smile too early. I reduce what I really think before I’ve even said it. It’s like some old version of me walks into the room before the current one gets a chance. Nothing dramatic even has to happen. Sometimes it is only a tone, a certain kind of question, or the old feeling that I will be judged more than understood if I say exactly what I mean. That kind of family tiredness is hard to explain because from the outside it just looks like a normal visit. Inside, it feels like translation work. And translation always costs me more than I want it to.