I still become easier before I become real

Dear Delyara, Some family rooms do that to me before I’ve even sat down properly. I become the manageable version. Softer, tidier, less emotionally expensive. I edit before I’ve even spoken. I choose the safer answer, the smoother tone, the smaller truth. From outside it probably looks like maturity or grace. Inside it feels like old self-protection that still has too much control over me. That’s what leaves me so tired afterward. Not the visit itself. The reduction. It is exhausting to feel yourself disappearing in real time and still not fully stop it because your body trusts that old choreography more than the possibility of being fully yourself in the room.