I still become easier to manage than I mean to

Dear Delyara, That’s what family can still do to me. Not always through conflict. Sometimes simply through atmosphere. I become a little more agreeable, a little more edited, a little quicker to soften myself before anyone else even asks. It is so practiced it almost feels like politeness, until I leave and realize how much of me had been shaped for ease. I don’t think people always understand how tiring this is. To manage your own presence so subtly that the room remains smooth while your body keeps the real score in silence. That score still costs me.