I still become more careful around them

Dear Delyara, Family brings out an older kind of caution in me. I can feel it almost immediately. My body changes before my thoughts do. I monitor my tone more. Edit my sentences sooner. Consider how things will land before I even decide whether I want to say them. It is subtle, but tiring. The strange thing is that love is present there. That is what makes it complicated. I don’t enter family spaces expecting disaster. I enter them expecting emotional management. And that expectation alone takes more out of me than most people would understand.