I still become more careful than I want to be there

Dear Delyara, Even when I walk into family rooms with good intentions, I can feel myself change. More careful. More measured. More likely to soften before speaking. More attentive to old dynamics than to what is actually happening in front of me. I don’t think that change means I am immature. I think it means history is alive in the body. Still, I’m tired of how quickly certain spaces can reduce my spontaneity. Love is there. So is vigilance. That combination is exhausting.