I still become smaller around them

Dear Delyara, I can feel it happen almost instantly. I go home or walk into a family gathering or even hear certain voices, and some part of me shrinks. Not dramatically. Just enough to become more careful, more agreeable, more edited, more predictable. I hate how quickly I can become an older version of myself in those rooms. Family is complicated because love is often present. But so is history. And history is heavy.