I still become too careful around some relatives

Dear Delyara, I hear it in my own voice every time. I start speaking more softly, explaining more than necessary, choosing safer subjects, editing the edges off my opinions before they’ve even fully formed. It happens so fast that sometimes I only notice on the drive home, when I realise I have spent two hours being a more manageable version of myself than a truthful one. Nothing huge has to happen for that. Sometimes it is just the old atmosphere. The old roles. The old memory of what happens in that room if I take up too much emotional space. I always come home tired. Not from the visit itself. From shrinking.