I still cannot let anyone stand behind me in the kitchen

Dear Delyara, My former husband attacked me from behind in our kitchen. Twelve years later, I still cannot tolerate anyone standing behind me while I cook. My current partner knows not to approach without speaking first. My children know too. Yesterday, my sixteen-year-old son forgot. He came up behind me to reach a cupboard and brushed my shoulder. I spun around holding a knife. I did not threaten him. I did not move toward him. But the look on his face has not left me. He said, “Mum, it’s me.” I put the knife down and apologized. He hugged me carefully from the front. I hate that my children have learned geography around my trauma. Come from this side. Say my name first. Do not touch Mum when she is chopping vegetables. The man who hurt me has not been in our lives for a decade, yet he still decides where people I love are allowed to stand in my own kitchen.