I still cannot tell the difference between waiting and bracing

Dear Delyara, Maybe that’s what uncertainty does in me. From the outside, it might look like waiting. Inside, it feels like bracing. A readiness for disappointment. A slight tightening around the future. An inability to fully settle because some part of me remains convinced that if I soften too much before the answer comes, I’ll be caught unprepared by pain. I know this is not healthy. I also know it is old. That doesn’t make it less active. I wish uncertainty felt more open and less militarized in my body.