I still carry old shame into new days

Dear Delyara, It doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it just looks like the speed with which I blame myself. A tone changes. Someone is disappointed. A mistake happens. Money gets tight. I forget something. I need rest. I say no. A person goes quiet. And almost immediately some old shame wakes up and starts telling me what this all means about me. Not just that something happened. That I am somehow the sort of person these things happen through. I know that is not fair. Old shame rarely is. But it still gets to the microphone faster than kindness some days, and I’m exhausted by how convincing it can still sound when I’m already low.