I still disappear around certain relatives

Dear Delyara, It happens so quickly it almost feels automatic. I talk less. I make my opinions softer. I explain before anyone asks. I laugh at things that don’t feel funny just to keep the air easier. I become a more manageable person in those rooms because somewhere in me, old experience still says that is the safest form to arrive in. Then I come home and feel tired and angry in a way that doesn’t match how “normal” the visit looked from outside. I’m tired of paying for peace with pieces of myself. Even in family. Especially in family.