I still expect rejection faster than I expect tenderness

Dear Delyara, That expectation reshapes too much of my life. A delayed reply, a colder tone, a changed mood in the room, and some old part of me starts preparing for the harsher interpretation immediately. It takes so little ambiguity to wake that reflex up. I wish tenderness arrived first in me. More often, vigilance does. That makes relationships tiring even when nothing objectively bad is happening, because part of me is still bracing for impact before reality has fully spoken. I know that’s old. I also know old things still hurt in the present if they remain close enough to the skin.