I still expect rejection faster than tenderness

Dear Delyara, A delayed reply. A changed tone. A difficult expression. A little distance. And my body starts preparing for the bad version before reality has even fully arrived. That expectation has too much authority in me still. I know where it came from. I know it made sense once. I also know how much life it steals now by turning ordinary uncertainty into emotional threat before there’s enough information to justify it. I am tired of fear trusting itself more quickly than I trust the possibility of kindness.