I still expect to be misunderstood first

Dear Delyara, When I speak honestly, some part of me is already preparing for the wrong interpretation. I explain too soon, soften too much, add context nobody asked for, because I still expect that if I don’t, the harsher reading will arrive first and become harder to undo later. It’s exhausting to live like that. And it makes me sad because it means even straightforward honesty rarely feels straightforward in my body. It carries old fear with it. Old rooms. Old consequences. I want to speak more directly than I do. I’m just not always free when I try.