I still feel ashamed buying things for myself

Dear Delyara, Not big things. That would almost make more sense. I mean ordinary things. The better shampoo. The new bra. A decent pair of shoes. A warmer coat. A proper lunch out. Something small that would make daily life easier or kinder on my body. If it’s for the children, I justify it instantly. If it’s for me, I suddenly become a financial philosopher with twelve reasons why I can do without it. I know that isn’t just about budgeting. It’s about how deeply I have learned to place myself lower. There is shame in that too. A humiliating awareness that I still negotiate my own comfort like it is morally suspicious in a way I would never do for someone I love. I’m tired of that voice. It’s cruel and it sounds practical, which makes it harder to argue with.