I still feel guilty for how relieved I am when plans get cancelled

Dear Delyara, Even when I liked the plans. Even when I like the people. Sometimes the cancellation comes through and before I feel anything social, I feel relief. Space opens. The day looks softer. The performance of being “on” is removed. Then guilt arrives because what sort of person feels that first? A tired person. That sort. I know this intellectually. Emotionally, I still accuse myself for it too often. As if relief is proof of coldness rather than evidence of depletion. I am trying to become more honest about that. And less ashamed.