I still feel my father in my body after the call ends

Dear Delyara, The conversation can sound normal enough from outside. Maybe even loving. Maybe even ordinary. And still, after I hang up, I can feel the residue in my body like a weather front that moved through and left pressure behind. Shoulders higher. Jaw tighter. Thoughts more defensive. A familiar younger version of me activated by one tone, one question, one kind of disappointment I know too well. I am tired of how long old family power lasts in the nervous system. I don’t think he even knows the full extent of it. Maybe that makes it sadder. Or maybe it makes it more common than any of us like to admit. Either way, I am a grown woman and some conversations with my father still leave me feeling reduced in ways I have to work to reverse afterward. That is real.