I still feel younger than I am when I hear that tone

Dear Delyara, One family tone can do it. Not shouting. Not abuse. Just that certain disapproving, disappointed, quietly superior tone that takes me out of my actual age and puts me somewhere smaller and older all at once. I can feel my voice change. My certainty goes. I start defending before I even know whether I agree with what is being implied. I hate that speed. Because I know intellectually that I’m not trapped there anymore. My body just doesn’t always know it quickly enough. And then afterward I am left dealing not only with the room, but with my own anger at how fast I still become less than myself in it.