I Still Flinch Toward Explanation Before I Flinch Toward Self-Trust

Dear Delyara, A changed tone. A delayed reply. A room going cooler. A serious face. And before the facts are even clear, some part of me is already organising a defence. Explaining, softening, making myself easier to forgive, preparing to be misunderstood instead of expecting to be met fairly. I know exactly where that comes from. Knowing hasn’t erased it. It means I spend too much of present life responding to older emotional rules. And that is exhausting in ways people can’t see because on the outside it just looks like a polite careful woman in a conversation. Inside, it is a whole body preparing not to be hurt again.