I Still Get Defensive Too Fast

Dear Delyara, Not because every room is hostile. Because too many old rooms were. Now one serious face, one changed tone, one sentence with the wrong edge, and I can feel myself preparing to explain, justify, soften, defend. My body does it before my mind can decide whether the moment really deserves that level of self-protection. That is what old wounds do. They make defence feel like personality. I hate how quickly I still become smaller and more careful instead of simply present. It makes me feel split in a way I cannot explain well. Wise on the surface. Young underneath. Tired of both.