I still grieve the life I might have had if I had trusted myself earlier

Dear Delyara, That question follows me sometimes. Not in a dramatic cinematic way. More like background ache. If I had trusted my discomfort sooner. If I had believed my intelligence earlier. If I had made room for wanting more before exhaustion forced the issue. If I had seen some things clearly before the body had to drag me there. I know regret can become indulgent if fed too much. But pretending it isn’t there feels dishonest too. There is sorrow in imagining the life that might have unfolded if trust in myself had come earlier than it did. And sometimes I let myself feel that sorrow. Tonight is one of those nights.