I still know how to work, but not always how to want

Dear Delyara, That is what feels most changed. I know how to continue. I know how to be disciplined. I know how to stay in motion. But wanting feels different now. Slower, dimmer, less innocent. Too much of it arrives already carrying caution, cost, fear, and the memory of how expensive disappointment can be when desire is honest. I miss cleaner ambition. Not greed. Just cleaner wanting. That loss has been quieter than grief. And just as shaping.