I still let uncertainty move into my body too early

Dear Delyara, A pending result, a delayed answer, a difficult conversation that hasn’t happened yet, an unusual symptom, a letter I haven’t opened, an email that begins with the wrong tone — any of these can start living in my body before they have earned that level of access. I don’t wait beside the unknown. I host it. That is what anxiety costs me most often. Not only the fear itself, but the way possibility enters appetite, mood, sleep, marriage, and patience before reality has even fully introduced itself. By the time the actual answer arrives, I am already tired from all the futures I rehearsed privately.