I still lower my voice around my father even when I have nothing to apologise for

Dear Delyara, It happens before thought. He doesn’t even need to be angry. Sometimes all it takes is that certain flat, unimpressed tone and I can feel myself becoming smaller in response. Softer, less direct, quicker to explain, quicker to reassure, quicker to avoid sounding too certain of my own feelings. The strangest part is how old the response feels in my body. It does not belong to the age I am now. It belongs to some earlier version of me that learned the safest way to survive certain rooms was to become less visible in them. That old version still appears around him more than I want to admit. And I always feel tired afterwards.