I still miss being able to hand the day to someone

Dear Delyara, I miss the ordinary witness of being able to say the small things to someone who was already partly inside their meaning. The annoying email. The cost of the shop. The way the child looked at me at pickup. The stupid little thing that happened in the car. The background mood I didn’t have language for yet. I miss not having to translate the whole shape of the day from the beginning. That is one of the losses divorce leaves behind in me. Not only the big emotional architecture. The daily handover. The sense that someone else already knows the room you’re speaking from. I still feel the absence of that at night most of all.