I still prepare for conversations that never end up happening

Dear Delyara, Full rehearsals. Tone options. Possible reactions. Explanations. The softer version if they seem upset. The firmer version if they push back. The version where I keep my dignity. The version where I don’t cry. The version where I look like someone who is not quietly terrified of conflict. And then half the time the conversation never even happens. That is the cruelty of anxiety. It makes the body pay in advance for pain that reality may never charge. So by the time ordinary life arrives, I am already tired from my own imaginary pre-work.