I still rehearse too many things that never happen

Dear Delyara, If someone saw only my actual days, they might think I handle life reasonably well. What they wouldn’t see is how many versions of those days I already survived before they happened. The awkward conversation I rehearsed. The rejection I braced for. The conflict I pre-processed. The humiliation I emotionally prepared myself to withstand. The thing that never arrived, except in imagination. That is what anxiety takes from me most often: energy lost to imaginary weather. I know some people hear that and think “just stop thinking that way.” But it doesn’t feel like a thought habit when you’re inside it. It feels like vigilance disguised as responsibility. I’m so tired of vigilance.