I still rush to make myself understandable

Dear Delyara, Before anyone has even misunderstood me, I’m already adding explanation, softening the edges, clarifying my meaning, trying to keep the room from turning against me too quickly. It is exhausting to have that much emotional administrative work attached to a simple sentence. I know where it comes from. Rooms where misunderstanding wasn’t harmless. Relationships where being read wrongly had consequences. Years of learning that being precise and easy at the same time was the safest way to survive certain conversations. But I am tired of speaking as if I need a legal defence attached to every honest feeling. I want more directness in my life. I’m just not always free enough to choose it.