I still shrink around them

Dear Delyara, One sentence in the wrong tone and I can feel my whole body shift. I get careful. I start over-explaining. I hear myself speaking in that old voice — the one that is still trying to be good, still trying not to disappoint, still trying to avoid the kind of criticism that lands like proof I’m failing in some larger more essential way. I hate how fast it happens. I hate that I can be an adult woman all day and still turn into somebody smaller in one phone call. I know where it comes from. Knowing hasn’t made me free from it.