I still smile when I feel hurt if the room does not look safe enough for the truth

Dear Delyara, It happens before I have time to object. A little smile. A softer tone. Some socially graceful move to stop the room from noticing the actual impact. I can feel the wound and still protect other people from its visibility almost at the same time. That reflex is so well-practiced it can pass for maturity. But it isn’t maturity. It is old learning. Old learning about what happens when honesty arrives in the wrong room with no armour on. I am tired of how much of my emotional life has been shaped by the need to assess rooms before I enter them properly.