I Still Sound Fifteen With Them

Dear Delyara, There is a particular version of my voice that appears when I speak to my parents too long — lighter, quicker, over-explaining, apologetic in places that don’t require apology, already rehearsing the defense before anyone has accused me of anything. I hate hearing that girl in me. I worked so hard to become a woman with edges and language and self-respect, and still one phone call can bring back the voice that wants to sound good enough before it sounds true. They don’t always do anything wrong. That’s what’s so hard to explain. Sometimes the room is only in me. Sometimes the damage is older than the moment.