I Still Sound Too Careful

Dear Delyara, Even now. Even in rooms that haven’t earned it. I can hear myself softening too much, explaining too much, qualifying statements before they’ve even had a chance to exist in their proper size. I know that voice. It comes from old workplaces, old hierarchies, old experiences of being read too harshly if I spoke too directly or took up too much serious space. The voice is not false. It is altered. And I am tired of hearing old professional fear still living in my tone when the room in front of me is not even the room that taught it to me. That’s one of the hidden costs of being diminished at work. The job ends. The carefulness keeps cashing its cheque in your body.