I still think if I imagine every outcome, one of them will hurt less

Dear Delyara, I know that isn’t true. And still, I do it. I run through scenarios the way some people count steps or fold laundry. As if enough imagining could soften the eventual impact of not knowing. As if anticipation could become insulation. It doesn’t. It just means I suffer repeatedly in advance. But I think uncertainty still feels too passive to my system. My mind wants to do something with it, even if the something is exhausting and useless. So it rehearses. I am tired of living in rehearsal.