I still wait for disappointment too quickly

Dear Delyara, Sometimes if someone is late, quiet, distracted, colder than usual, or even just harder to read, my mind jumps straight toward disappointment before it has enough evidence to do so. It’s not that I enjoy expecting the worst. It’s that some part of me still believes it is safer to arrive there first than be surprised by it later. That is such an old protection. And such a tiring one. Because it means the present rarely gets to stay fully present. It is always being interpreted through the lens of what I have already learned to fear. I want to trust more slowly. Fear still trusts itself faster.