I still work hard, but the fire feels quieter

Dear Delyara, What has changed is not my ability to work. It’s the quality of desire underneath the work. The fire used to be brighter. Less interrupted by caution, burnout, realism, disappointment, and the private awareness of how expensive hope can become if it takes too long to return something. Now I still move. But the wanting is less clean. I don’t know whether that is maturity or grief. Maybe both. Tonight it feels mostly like loss.