I Still Write Emails Like I’m Afraid of Men

Dear Delyara, I don’t mean literally every man. I mean the structure. I hear it in my own phrasing. All the softeners. Just checking in. Maybe. I was wondering if. No worries at all. Sorry for the follow-up. Happy to help. Totally understand. There is so much emotional choreography in the way I present myself professionally. It’s exhausting to realize how much of my tone is still arranged around the old fear of sounding difficult, too direct, too female in the wrong way, too visible. The men I work with don’t write like this. They state. I cushion. And I’m angry that I still do it even when no one is standing over me forcing it. The forcing got internalized. That’s the hardest kind to fight.