I stop myself before the world can

Dear Delyara, That is one of the ugliest truths about me. I stop myself before the world gets the chance. I don’t apply. I delay. I prepare endlessly. I call it timing. I call it caution. I call it needing to think things through. Sometimes that is true. Sometimes it is just fear wearing respectable clothes. I think rejection has lived in my imagination so vividly for so long that I often choose smaller forms of self-rejection instead.