I stopped keeping his apology letter beside my bed

Dear Delyara, My father apologized for abusing me in a letter shortly before he died. For years, I kept that letter beside my bed and read it whenever anger returned, almost as if I had to prove to myself that the abuse was real because he had finally admitted it. Therapy helped me see the letter had become both validation and chain. I was making my healing report to his words every night. Last month, I moved it into a box with other family documents. I did not destroy it. I may read it again one day. But it no longer sits within reach while I sleep. Healing has not meant forgiving him completely or deciding the apology was enough. It has meant allowing evidence to become evidence instead of the permission slip I needed daily to believe my own memory.