I Stopped Performing Forgiveness

Dear Delyara, For a long time I thought being healed meant being prematurely gracious. I thought I had to sound wise, calm, above it all. I thought I had to speak about hurt in a polished voice to prove I had grown. But I was often just performing forgiveness before I had actually metabolized the wound. Now I’m more honest. Sometimes I’m still angry. Sometimes I still ache. Sometimes I can understand someone and still not feel safe with them. That honesty feels healthier than the fake serenity I used to wear.