I stopped reading my daughter’s messages when she left her phone unlocked

Dear Delyara, After my daughter went through a difficult period, I began checking her phone secretly. At first, I told myself it was safety. Then it became habit. I read conversations that had nothing to do with danger. When she discovered it, she said, “You want me safe more than you want me to trust you.” We entered family therapy. I stopped accessing her accounts, agreed on clear circumstances when safety concerns would justify intervention, and had to tolerate not knowing. Yesterday, she left her phone unlocked beside me while showering. A message appeared from someone I did not know. The old urge was immediate. I turned the phone face down and walked away. Breaking the habit has been painful because control can feel like love when fear is involved. Trust asks for something harder: accepting that closeness does not entitle me to every private sentence my child writes.