I take my husband’s painkillers one tablet at a time

Dear Delyara, My husband had back surgery and was prescribed opioid pain medication. I have a history of addiction that he believes ended eight years ago. At first, I did not touch his tablets. Then one difficult night, I took one. He did not notice. A week later, another. Now I count how many remain before taking anything so the bottle looks believable. I tell myself this is different from my old addiction because I am not buying drugs, not missing work, not stealing money. I am stealing medication from the man sleeping beside me. Yesterday, he said the pain has been worse and wondered whether the pharmacy had shorted the prescription because he expected more tablets to remain. I looked him in the face and said maybe. He believed me. That moment frightened me more than the pills. Addiction did not return wearing the chaos I remember. It returned quietly enough to fit inside a marriage where everybody still thinks I am the person who recovered.