I teach the instrument I can no longer play properly

Dear Delyara, I was a professional violinist until a neurological condition affected fine movement in my left hand. I can still play, but not at the level required for performance. Now I teach. Most days, I love teaching. Then a student plays something I once performed, and my body remembers before my hand can obey. Today, a seventeen-year-old played the concerto that won me my first major audition. She struggled with a passage, and I demonstrated slowly. My fingers failed on the shift. She pretended not to notice. That kindness hurt more than if she had stared. I corrected her posture and she played it beautifully ten minutes later. I told her so. After she left, I tried the passage again and again until my hand cramped. People say teaching lets me pass the music forward. True. It also means standing beside young hands while they enter rooms mine were forced to leave. I do not want their talent smaller to protect me. I just wish pride and grief did not occupy the same chair every time one of them improves.