I Think I Have Been Functioning Inside Burnout So Long

Dear Delyara, I know how to keep going. That is no longer proof that I’m okay. The work still gets done. The meals still happen. The children still feel loved. The house still runs. I still answer. I still remember. From the outside, all of this looks like capacity. Inside, it feels more like a system operating past the point where anyone should keep expecting it to be this smooth. That’s what scares me about burnout. It can wear competence so convincingly that even the person living inside it begins to question whether the depletion is “real enough” to count if collapse hasn’t happened. But I can feel the thinning. The flattening. The fact that ordinary things cost too much. The way I am less present in my own life by evening than I used to be. That is real. Even if the dishes are done.