I think my body has forgotten what ordinary calm is meant to feel like

Dear Delyara, It’s the background pattern. The raised shoulders. The shallow breath. The instant mental sprint when a message comes through. The way ordinary requests feel heavier by evening than they have any right to feel. The readiness. The alertness. The body living one half-step ahead of trouble as if staying prepared might prevent pain. I still function. That is what makes it invisible enough to continue. But functioning and being okay are not the same thing. I know that now because I can feel the distance between them in my own body every single day.