I Think Something Is Wrong In The Design Of My Life, Not Only In My Mood

Dear Delyara, If it were just a mood, perhaps sleep or a break or one easier week would have shifted it more than this. If it were just one problem, maybe I could point to it and say there, that’s what hurts. But what I feel is broader than that. Too much access. Too much usefulness. Too much emotional labour. Too little restoration. Too little private life that belongs only to me. Too much maintenance. Too little aliveness. It feels structural. And because it feels structural, ordinary advice no longer comforts me as much. Rest more. Be positive. Take a break. Have a bath. Go for a walk. These things help, yes. But underneath them, I can still feel the architecture itself asking too much from me in ways that one good evening cannot solve. That is what scares me. Not only pain. Pattern.