I Think Stress Has Become the Background Sound of My Body

Dear Delyara, Like a machine running in the next room all the time. Not loud enough to stop life. Present enough to shape it. Jaw tight. Shoulders raised. Sleep lighter than it should be. Startle response too fast. One more question at 7 p.m. feeling bigger than it has any objective right to feel. That is the part I’m worried about now. Not one hard week. The pattern. I still function. That’s exactly what makes it easy for other people to miss. The lunches still get made. I still show up. I still answer. I still do what needs doing. But underneath all that functioning is this constant physiological readiness that no longer feels like an occasional state. It feels like my body has learned stress too fluently. And once something becomes fluent, it starts sounding like identity. I don’t want tension to become the native language of my nervous system. Some days, I think it already has.