I told the doctors to operate, and my husband woke up unable to speak

Dear Delyara, My husband had a brain hemorrhage. The surgeon said emergency surgery offered the best chance of survival but carried serious risks. I said yes. There was no time for a family meeting or another opinion. He survived. He cannot speak and has significant weakness on one side. Some days he understands almost everything. Other days I do not know. Before this happened, he once told me he would rather die than live severely disabled. It was one of those casual conversations people have while healthy, easy to say because no decision is actually waiting. Now I replay it constantly. When he becomes frustrated trying to communicate, I wonder whether he blames me for choosing surgery. Yesterday, he cried during therapy and pushed my hand away. The therapist said frustration is normal. My mind translated it into accusation. Everyone says I saved his life. I keep wondering whether I saved the life he wanted.