I told the truth on the assessment form instead of writing “manageable” again

Dear Delyara, I’ve written “manageable” on so many forms it has almost become a reflex. It is such a useful word for people like me — controlled, adult, non-alarming. It says something is hard without forcing anyone to look too closely at how hard. Yesterday I had my first counselling assessment in years, and when the form asked how things had been lately, I nearly wrote it again. Instead, I stopped and told the truth. I wrote that some days I feel numb, some days I feel overwhelmed by things that look small from outside, and some nights I lie awake because my mind doesn’t know how to stop scanning. Handing that form over felt more vulnerable than I expected. It also felt like the real beginning of something. Maybe progress sometimes starts with refusing the smaller word.